We all get stuck. We get stuck in our relationships, in our businesses, our health and in our lives in general. The questions show up, we feel heavy and get frozen in our tracks... But you know what that’s like don’t you? When you can’t even enjoy your dinner because the “Stuck” is right there, front and center in your mind.
You’ve tried everything.
It’s so frustrating because you feel like it will never change. You’ll forever be in this state of uncertainty, longing and even desperation. You wake up in the morning, problem and questions still there, but life is waiting for you. So you pretend you’re fine. You get dressed, paint your smile on and show the world your brave strong face. But you’re definitely not fine.
You would be.
But you’re stuck and frustrated, and dear God, when will this end?
Lord have mercy, I’ve been there before - at least a hundred times. I feel like I’ve earned the honorary member of the Stuck Club, because I’ve mastered Stuck in all areas: Relationships (seriously), Business (oh yeah), health and pretty much everything.
So as a self proclaimed expert in being totally stuck and miserable - I want to share with you how I got out… Because I’m no longer in the club.
I don’t always have the answers, but I don’t get stuck anymore because I've hacked the 'Stuck System'. And I want to share it with you. Because when you’re stuck, you’re not happy and you don’t get things done. I’m sure I could say that more poetically, and it’s true that when you’re stuck, you’re not being your best self/thriving/living your purpose etc… But the truth is, the two most important things - are that you’re happy and getting shit done. You need to be happy enough to be focused, energized and clear in your mind, so you can manage real life, like build your business, handle your finances, feed your family, run your home and take care of your health.
You don’t have time to be stuck. Your mind and body will eventually break down from the struggle.
So let’s end that. Let’s go from stuck and struggling to miracles and total peace of mind.
Here’s why you feel stuck and what to do about it.
The biggest reason people ever feel stuck, is that they don’t really know what they want. They think they know and they even say they know. But if they’re really honest with themselves and if you’re really honest with yourself, then it’s pretty likely that there’s something around what you want, that you aren’t quite sure of or aren’t quite comfortable with. Some people feel stuck in their relationship, because they don’t really know how badly they want it. If they wanted it really badly, then they would be ready to do the work. If they don’t really want it, they’ll be stuck because they aren’t motivated to do the work, but they’re too afraid of leaving to actually do it. So they stay stuck.
When people feel stuck in business, it’s usually because they’re off path. When your business needs to change or grow, it can feel uncomfortable and scary. There are so many questions, too many variables and the risk can feel overwhelming. But what’s more overwhelming? Staying stuck in no man’s land, forever nibbling at your nails as you hope for a miracle, or finally making a decision and doing something about the problem that’s already taking over your life?
The answer is, “Do something about it!” We both know that. But it’s still not what you do, because you’re stuck in your fear.
Fear is the emotion and mindset fueling your struggle. It’s why you don’t have clarity. You’re too afraid to see the truth, the solution or the path because of what might happen along the way. You’re considering your options, thinking about what might happen, what other people might think, say or do and you end up overthinking everything. This actually leads to letting our imaginations make the situation bigger than it really is. The worst case scenarios in our minds are usually a lot more horrendous than the ones that could actually happen. So first of all, you’ve got to hone it back in. Look at it through real eyes and see what the worst case scenario really is and why you’re afraid of it. Usually, it’s for one of two reasons: Uncertainty & Disconnection.
We all have a deeply rooted need for certainty. We need to feel secure in our situations with our relationships, our jobs and lives. Another word for secure could be comfortable. How many times have you taken the comfort of your pain over the unknown or difficult? How many times have women stayed in relationships because of the financial security when they know it’s a toxic and even dangerous situation? The need for certainty in life will drive you to either make serious changes or hide from them altogether.
The other big fear driver is the fear of disconnection. Everyone needs to feel connection and love. We need to feel bonded, understood, accepted and ultimately, that we’re good enough. Sometimes we are facing the need to change something major in our life but it threatens our relationships, our friendships or our business reputation. We aren’t sure who will stand behind us, still love us or support us. So we let our fear of being alone or rejected stop us in our tracks from doing what we know we need to do.
All these fears we have, lead us to taking everything way too seriously. I had to learn that one the hard way too. I wanted to "do things the right way", at the "right time". I also needed everyone else to do it right, because I was so afraid of my world and certainty being threatened, that micro-controlling it seemed like the best option. Of course, I didn't know I was doing it when it was happening - but the day I woke up to what was going on, I had a huge lightbulb moment. I had to stop taking everything so seriously! So what if I fail? I can try a different way. So what if they say bad things about me? I know I'm living my truth. So what if the house is a mess and I don't look perfect? I never wanted to be a Stepford wife anyway! You get the idea. Being stuck with your fear will lead you to overanalyzing, overthinking and over-controlling everything because everything is a serious issue. Except that it's not. Lighten up. You'll put food on the table. You'll sleep. You'll be loved. Because you want it. And I believe you'll do the next right thing to help make it happen.
This is a next level “Stuck” tactic. It’s safe one that we’ve all used before, because it’s the most honest way to pass the blame. It’s used most often in health issues, relationships and business. In business, for example, when you’ve “failed” at something in the past or your facing doing something totally new and it scares you, it’s so much easier to back off and blame it all on not having the right people, the right tools, the money, the time etc. You see the mountain ahead of you and decide that you’re just not able to do it. So then what? You stand at the bottom of the mountain hoping that some big gust of wind or a superhero will fly by soon and carry you to the top? Not likely. It’s your job to see your challenge and leverage what you can do to overcome it.
Here’s the thing about that though. Willingness. To be resourceful will often mean setting aside your pride and being willing to learn new things, ask for help or let go of some of your control around the situation. Trust me, this won’t kill you. Staying stuck and not getting anywhere might, though.
Once you’ve gotten clear about what it is you actually want and need, you’ve looked your fear straight in the eye and said, I’m willing to do what it takes, because my freedom and peace of mind are worth saving, then you have to put a plan in action. Yeah, I know a lot of people hate goals and plans and timelines… but first of all, I’m not talking about sterile -graph-paper type goals. I’m talking about goals that get you where you want to go; that get you feeling the way you feel and living the way you want to live. Second of all, sorry to break it to you, but most of the people I’ve ever met that are goal-phobic, are still honorary members in the Stuck Club. With extra badges.
Don’t be an honorary member of the Stuck Club. It’s not an honor. It’s a freedom sucking vampire.
And the only way out is to have a plan. And I’m going to help you make that plan, I promise - so just stay with me.
Every plan needs to have SUPPORT engraved everywhere in it. Because while there have been a handful of superhero world changers that did it on their own, most of us need a legitimate tribe of teachers, listeners and ass-kickers. Your support tribe should feel safer than family. And you’ve got to be more honest with them than your family, because they’re here to call you out on your weaknesses, wipe your frustrated tears and encourage you like crazy while kicking your excuses to the curb. They're the ones that see you and know you and they honor how badly you want this. They’re committed to helping you get there but they’re aren’t doing the work for you. They understand that this is your battle and that their job is to remind you that you can win it.
And that’s why I’m here. Because I know you want something so bad and it’s driving you crazy because you don’t know if you’ll ever have it or if things will ever change. My job is to help you see what you can really do and help you do it. I’m that person in your tribe that’s here for you because I’ve been there too. I know the road and I’ve got you.
So stop fighting yourself. Stop settling.
You deserve to leave those lovely finger nails alone, sleep at night and digest your food again.
You deserve to have a calm mind that’s not distracted trying to solve all of your problems by tomorrow.
You deserve to actually live the life you’re meant to live.
And I assure you, you’re meant to have joy, purpose and the freedom you’re ready for.
Don’t stop here. I said I’d tell you why you get stuck and what to do about it. So download this printable guide that will help you take all this info and actually put it to good use….
So you can leave the Stuck Club and get on with your life, your health and your dreams.
And of course, if you're tired of running this race on your own, want to get there faster and with more ease and joy, I'd love to talk to you. After all, one woman is strong, but with the right support, she is unstoppable.
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