A Poetic Look at Healing The Trauma Bond
Trauma bonding patterns start at a very young age.
There’s nothing to be ashamed of.
It’s not because you’re weak or dumb.
In fact, it’s because you’re so very smart and incredibly strong.
Children - babies - aren’t meant to survive on their own.
They’re meant to cling to those that can provide for and protect them.
It’s how we, as a species operate.
But what happens when you’re told you’re bad?
What happens when the ones that say they’ll be there for you -
Your subconscious and instincts go into a panicked survival mode
You see that maybe you won’t be provided for
That maybe your protector will leave
It doesn’t matter why
It can be for any reason -
from their own issues - they’re stressed and ill-equipped financially or emotionally to raise a child
to their selfishness - they see you as an asset or a tool, or more grossly, a slave
or because of their standards that you should always be good - never bed - always choose right, never get angry and never cry
So you learned what it took to stay alive
You learned to not stress these people out
to do as your told
keep them happy
avoid showing your emotions - emotions or differing desires and opinions are bad -
you shoved the you-ness back inside
never to be seen or heard
or else you might die
Most of the time, this isn’t your logical thinking line
it tends to happen in the deeper parts of the heart, cells and mind
your glorious body - doing what it needs to do to lovingly keep you alive
I guess that brings me to an important point that shouldn’t be swept to the side
All these patterns, these habits you have, the bonding, people pleasing, the addicting saboteurs -
they’re not an issue because you’re weak and worthless, they exist because you decided long ago that you were a life worth fighting for.
you did what it took
you mastered the look
memorized the lines and pretended you were fine
to save and salvage whatever grip you might have on what you knew of your life
These things don’t serve you anymore
they steal your voice, confuse your mind
hungry for whatever fix might loosen the bind
the shackles destroying you once saved your life
what a powerful way to take back your mind
you've been a magician; A WARRIOR - all this time
and that today
the shift and the change
are closer than ever
awaiting your claim
but it starts with you declaring your own name
by seating yourself on the please-to-survive throne
It’s in your power now
Turn your habits inside out
Become addicted to seeking your self now
Who is she? What does he crave?
How do they rise beyond this life grave?
With every yes and no said
even shaky and afraid
deciding to believe you can meet your own needs
that speaking your truth is the one that sets you free
Releasing the fear that people will leave
and in fact -
having the audacity to tell the ones suffocating your soul
that you no longer need them
they’re not welcome to stay
even though they've love dyou in their own twisted way
to let go
to invite a much healthier flow
you’re worth it
The bond isn’t one that’s forever instilled
It’s your choice that breaks it’s hold
can it really be so simple, you ask
Yes and no.
But start there
then choose again
loving arms around you
see in the mirror your very own face
worth fighting for
love yourself daily more and more
and you’ll rise
your own life
and maybe for the first time
you will come
- Navae Lukas