I had to learn this one the hard way. My body was totally shutting down even though I was doing EVERYTHING RIGHT.
One day, a few years back, I spent the morning with a friend. I was exhausted. Chronic fatigue didn’t begin to describe it. I just wanted to cry.
I told my friend about it. And my beautiful amazing well-meaning friend responded with:
“Are you sure you’re tired, or are you just really relaxed?”
Oh! That’s good! I like that! Shift the perspective! That’s perfect!
“Maybe I’m just really relaxed.”
Every time I wake up tired - or find myself so tired I just can’t seem to wake up regardless of what time of the day it is - I’m going to chant THAT.
I’m SO relaxed. And I’ll smile and think of everything I’m thankful for.
And then I’ll eat the perfect food and perfect drink, and journal and workout and work and live this beautiful life of mine!
It didn’t fucking work.
And I was so pissed because I was doing the THINGS.
I was eating right, thinking right and even speaking right.
I was affirming in my journal.
I was smiling.
I was working out.
My iron levels were healthy, no thyroid issues, hormones good.
Even my cortisol levels were balanced!!
So when NOTHING seems to make sense about the chaos state your body is in, it’s a lot easier to assume it’s simply a perspective shift.
Because you CAN ‘fear’ things into existence.
Just like you can be so afraid of making a fool of yourself in conversation… that you DO.
Just like you can be so afraid of not falling asleep… that you DON’T.
Your mind is powerful.
So when I wasn’t sleeping and it didn’t make sense, of course it should be fixed by the SHIFTING of my mind.
And that works, A LOT of the time.
You know why?
It works when it’s TRUE.
It works when that’s the ISSUE.
But not when it isn’t.
It might HELP you, by making the situation easier to deal with - making you THINK that was it - but then it just keeps coming back or doesn’t go away at all and you can’t help but scream WTF because you’re doing everything RIGHT…… right?
Like in my case.
Let’s skip straight to the point, shall we?
In my case - I was missing - more *skipping* - over one thing. (Usually how it is)
I was avoiding the ONE THING I didn’t know how to change.
(for many reasons - one being that I didn’t know how to label what was WRONG, I just knew that SOMETHING WAS ….)
When you know something needs to change in your life and you feel afraid of what needs to be done - or you don’t know what to DO to change it or you’re afraid of the possible consequences … OR afraid of looking like you’re crazy …
You avoid it at all costs.
You make excuses for why it’s “totally fine”.
You make a list of bypassing reasons for why you SHOULD be ok.
And YOU CLING to the ‘positive spins’ the spiritual and self help world delivers.
It’s not that the affirmations or mantras or ‘new perspectives’ are WRONG.
It’s that if you use them to BYPASS your body / soul’s needs and desires - You ABUSE YOURSELF to protect yourself.
And that just makes no sense when you read it, right?
But you do it all the time.
I did it ALL the time.
Not in ALL the areas of my life.
Just in one.
But one is all it took.
I was SEVERELY gaslighting myself and my body tried to tell me day after day, week after week, and year after year.
It tried to get my attention.
I knew what it was telling me but I couldn’t listen. It hurt. It scared me. I felt wrong and crazy.
((You’re never wrong or crazy for honoring your body and soul - no matter how many manipulative fucked up fuckers have tried to grill that into you))
When my friend suggested that maybe I was just RELAXED it felt like the the best escape pod ever.
“I’ll just use my quantum magic want to SWOOSH away the reality and replace it with a new one!!”
No love, that doesn’t work.
You want the new reality?
Then you have to get rid of the toxic shit that doesn’t FIT in that new reality.
You can’t swoosh what’s out of alignment for you.
THAT is not the quantum leap.
The quantum leap is the moment you ADVOCATE for yourself - believe - or even CHOOSE to believe - that you’re WORTHY, deserving and IN THAT SPACE - anything is possible.
IN THAT SPACE of believing you’re worthy and deserving - you will FACE the fear of the unknown, make the changes, no longer choose what holds you back - and dive head first into what your body, soul and CONVICTIONS are calling for.
THAT is the quantum leap.
That’s the SWOOSH.
THAT is available to you in an instant.
But you have to listen to the knowing in your heart - no matter how crazy it feels - listen and honor.
Don’t bypass yourself.
Don’t gaslight your pain or your body’s signals.
All pain is a messenger. Tune in.
If ‘nothing’ is wrong - something else is - and it’s usually the thing you KNOW but don’t want to admit or deal with.
That’s the next right leap.
What’s that thing for you?
With love and fire,
PS: I see you. I believe you. I support you.