Maybe you think I’m a bitch. Maybe I think I’m living what I preach. But read on, and you tell me.
We are living in a time in society where we expect everyone to predict our needs and desires while we simultaneously expect others to meet ours. I was going to call it silent entitlement but I realized that “passive entitlement” describes it much better. Let’s start though at how I got here.
I was sitting in a cafe at a table with open tables at both sides of me. That’s just how it ended up. Anyway, a group of younger ladies walked in together. They ordered and then discussed amongst themselves about where to sit. The tables were small and there weren’t any two open right next to each other. They decided to split up and just stagger at the available tables.
Now, here I am at a table by myself, between two open tables, right? I could have totally spoken up and offered to move so they could sit together. Why not? I was just one person in the middle of this cafe and they wanted to sit as a group. Kindness right?
Nope. Not in this moment.
Trust me, I was tempted to. That was the instinctual ‘should’ bubbling up inside of me. “Navae, just move. They want a table.”
Lucky for me and the many paradigms our world needs to wake up to, my soul engaged in some divine intervention and told me to be still and be quiet.
You know those moments, right, where in a half second you have the awareness of such a bigger picture? Those moments trip me out. After all - look how long it’s taking me to tell you the story and it only penetrated into my mind in the blink of an eye. Divine thought is a beautiful thing, indeed.
The truth that settled into me was this remembering that just because I’m a mind reader doesn’t mean you get to stop speaking for yourself. (If you’re a person who’s damn good at anticipating other people’s needs - you know what I’m talking about.) You and I are the ones who stand up and give someone our seat - or table - or a hand at the door.
All good. All beautiful. Don’t stop.
Be aware of the bigger picture.
See, these girls were speaking to each other about their needs, without speaking up for them. Do you see the difference? Now, I want to be clear that I have no idea whether or not they were being passive aggressive and hoping by hinting that I’d move. In fact - I’m erring on the assumption that they were just not aware of or willing to move from their power.
So this lesson, I believe, was simply for me to see, receive and then pass on to you - because of what we need to remember from it.
Let’s imagine they were hinting.
Why hint? Why not just ask?
The idea that I should know (and agree with) what they want and believe they deserve, at my expense. (Yeah, this is just cafe seating - but apply it to your own sitch.) These are the situations where people get offended because you should know what I want and bend over backwards for me. But they don’t ask. They’re most offended because you didn’t predict it.
Another version of passive entitlement is when people have the same desire but don’t speak up because they’re afraid to. Passive entitlement out of unworthiness. Ouch. I’m too afraid to ask for what I want and I’m going to be hurt that you don’t think I matter enough to be my voice for me.
Now, this is irrelevant of ‘deserving.’ Deserving is about believing you have the right to have or experience what’s good for you. Entitlement is similar but differentiates itself when it acts at the expense and demand of others with no regard for the pain it causes along the way. As long as it gets what it wants.
So in the case of Passive Entitlement, you believe at some level whether largely or hidden, that you deserve something - but you sit back quietly - expecting others to be in your power for you. To be your voice, to be your courage, to be your miracle maker, lover, helper… fill in the blanks.
You know where this applies to you.
And this is where we get to shatter the stronghold all together.
First of all - you deserve your soul’s desires.
You deserve good.
You deserve to have things work out for you.
To be heard, seen, loved, honored, celebrated, paid and understood. #allthethings
But this is YOUR reality YOU are creating.
Stop expecting the world to psychically be there for you - stop assuming people know what you want. (they might!! But don’t be passively entitled.)
Speak up and be clear.
Know what you want and move forward in the power of your voice, belief and fucking resources. Lay out your own red carpet and walk on it.
Know what you desire. Speak and make shit happen.
Be willing to ask.
Risk hearing no.
At least you tried.
And then don’t stop there. Keep asking.
Be of service.
Now hold on, that one’s pretty important.
Be of service.
Know what you deserve and remember that others are deserving too.
Getting what you want, not caring who you step on to get there… is just straight up entitlement.
Your true colors will shine through and then you’ll find yourself wondering what the hell happened and why so many people are pissed at you. Why there’s so much conflict in your friendships, business and relationships.
Maybe you’re living a ‘me first’ life and life is showing you that it’s time to go wider and deeper in the world.
If that’s you - I know you. I’ve known many of you in my lifetime and maybe there needs to be another post just for you, to learn how to be live more as “WE” in this world when you’ve been used to getting what you want for so long. #checkyourprivilege
For now, let’s just start with - saying thank you more. Notice when people move to the side for you, squeeze you in, change things around and show up for you. Don’t take it for granted. Say thank you. Let people know you see them as they see you. Really want to evolve? Go out of your way for them. Look for ways to compliment, help out and lift up… just because. No strings attached. ( << key part)
To the over-givers and over anticipators: Give people a chance to ask for your help. Stop bending over backwards and give people the opportunity to meet you halfway in this co-creative experience. It’s not your job to pave life’s roads for others. If the ask for a hand, lend one. If you want to step in without them asking - go for it! But make sure you’re doing it from a space of love - not obligation.
And for the ones that walk into a cafe, quietly complaining and silently judging the world for not reading your mind - it’s time to speak up. Step into your power. You *are* worth what you want, but you’ve got to believe it enough to speak it, and be humble enough to ask.
To everyone - I see you.
We’re in this together.
I know - because I’ve lived in each of those spaces many times in my life. I know my privilege and am daily recommitting to my responsibility in it.
As a leader, teacher, sister, mother….
I’m committed to both living and bringing the truth to you - because OUR freedom means that much to me.
In love and fire,