Everything is as it should be.
I used to fight that statement because I felt like it was giving permission to allow shit. Like accepting that the bombing of the innocent and leaving a child without his parents was somehow meant to be.
And I'm coming to this point in my life where I'm realizing that they co-exist.
Both are true.
It's not ok that the child is left fatherless and traumatized.
It's not ok that a person's body is taken without their permission.
It's not ok that people rob and destroy to get what they want.
And still, all is as it should be.
How can I say this?
Well to really make my point, I need to give a little insight to my backstory.
A story in which I shed a lot of tears recently around.
The most basic summary I could give is this:
I was born into a traumatic dysfunctional environment.
I was neglected and abused.
I never felt like I belonged - there was always something wrong with me.
I was hungry for love and belonging.
I settled for any arms that would deliver.
And they often took more than I was ready to give. It was an assault on more than my body...
I accepted that this was how it was. Though I knew it was wrong and unjust.
I always had a deep passion for justice because I had suffered so much INjustice.
I was always one to speak my truth.
It got me in trouble.
It got me suspended.
It got me kicked out of churches.
It marginalized me as a fire starter. (Good.)
I married young to my best friend. We built our beautiful family fast.
He adored me. I was numb. Lost and confused. It made no sense.
Our marriage ended. I THOUGHT I knew why.
(I didn't really know why until 6 years later)
After my divorce, I lived up my free bird life.
Similar stories began to play out.
I was hungry for arms to accept me. Sometimes they accepted me with honor and other times they took without asking, leaving deep painful scars.
And then I found myself in a new love story of adventure and magic I'd never known before.
Could it be real? Is this really happening to ME?
... Waiting for the moment when true colors would peek through... and they did.
They always do. True human colors. The colors of another person's story mixing into mine - not as beautiful as I was hoping for.
I was in pain. Again. Confused. This was supposed to be a happily ever after? What happened? Was it him? Me? What to do?
Run? Yes, I could do that.
Stay? Yes, I could do that too.
Grow? The only option. I'd weighed out the truth, the facts, the hopes, the desires and growth kept coming back to me. Staying or running were simply options at this point but growth was the no-matter-what non-negotiable.
I deep dove into me.
My own truth.
I was able to take a step back and see a much bigger picture.
There was a bigger ME story here than I was aware of before.
And entangled into my story was also HIStory ....
Our story was a tapestry.
It was an overlapping invitation into personal growth - should we all choose to accept it.
None of the pain was 'right.'
None of my choices were 'wrong'.
Though it felt wrong. It broke me. And others broke too along the way.
I caused myself so much pain in my attempt to bring each and every detail to justice. (because there WAS a lot of injustice).
He should have done this better.
He never should have done that.
She shouldn't have treated me that way.
I deserve better.
How dare they.
Yes. How dare they?
What happened in their story that caused their actions to be this way?
Never saying it's ok - but permissing the humanity in them to exist - and have compassion for the blind steps and wounded action they've taken on their own journey.
Realizing most of all that their journey is theirs and mine is mine.
And I cannot direct mine based on the 'right' choices of theirs.
I simply direct mine.
Acknowledge what IS as what is, regardless of what it should be and make my choice from there.
The most nourishing honoring choice I can make.
And along the way, as I enter more fully into my own power and healing - they too will be invited into theirs. In the timing that allows them to see it.
(Our timing for others is never perfect timing. Perfect timing is perfect timing because it's the time and space in which a person truly receives. Hears. Sees. Learns. Grows. Chooses for themselves).
My job here is not to dictate or determine perfect timing for the other people in my story - but to live my own in my own honor, allowing them to do the same.
Hang on to the HONOR piece, because it's very important.
I didn't say, it's my job to allow dishonor to continue.
Quite the contrary.
It's my job to choose my story IN my honor.
And if that means, no longer letting other people's story be part of mine, for the honoring of my mind, body and soul - even if it hurts - it's in my honor to follow that call.
Period. No explanation.
I'm learning that while yes, bad things happen to "good people" and good things happen to "bad people" - that the bigger truth here is that THINGS happen to AND for - all people.
There are many stories at play here.
Many people with fear.
Generations of brainwashing.
Cultural and spiritual beliefs.
Overlapping from person to person.
Causing us to break open.
And if we can take the time to stop blaming -- we have the opportunity to take a much more powerful road - one of claiming our honor...
A sort of - "Thanks, but no thanks. That's not how I want my story to go, so I'll take it from here" mentality - where you really do take it from here.
You take your honor - from here.
You take your healing - from here.
You take your future - from here.
Keeping in mind that I never said I believe things are 'meant to be' - rather - as it should be -
as it's always inviting you
to take the lead
to make the next choice
for your future
for your freedom, family and even legacy.
Because this is YOUR story.
x Navae x