I had zero obligations on Christmas day. My kids were away with family and I was home with my partner. In the quiet. I neither texted or called.... anyone. And for a hot second I felt bad. "Oh, I should at least call so-and-so"... But I don't want to. I don't feel right. I just want to be alone and sit with my journal and sip my tea.
So I let myself play please-others hookie.
I gave myself the Christmas gift of not giving a flying fuck.
It's not that I don't care about them.
It's that I care a hell of a lot about myself. And it's not my responsibility to cater to or protect what triggers others or makes them feel insecure. Seriously, if I love you - you know it. (And if I don't, then this text issue... is really not the issue ;) )
And to be clear - it's not about Christmas.
What it's about is that you get to matter, your needs get to matter, your self HONOR gets to be HAD no matter what day of the year it is.
You matter 365 days of the year. And 366 on leap years for the legalists.
Here's how it actually played out:
I woke up yesterday feeling like an energetic beast of change and purging was moving through me. I wasn’t in a black hole or anything - but I WAS needing to inward. And NOT give. (Because lets be real, I fucking GIVE).
So I stayed in. Wrote. Journaled. Cried. Laughed. Cuddled. Tea. Sat in the dark. #allthethings and #allthefeels - and it was so nourishing. Mmmmm... I've got a lot to say on nourishing right now. But nourishing myself was what I needed the most yesterday. (and today for that matter)
Here's the thing. If I'm not feeling high-vibe, healthy and vibrant, I'm not prime to be of service. If I'm not taken care of, I can't take care of others. I can't teach or lead or create at my fullest potential. Do I need to give myself permission to BE weak when it hits? Absolutely. But I also get to give myself permission to guard my health and energy field - holidays or not.
Some people will read that and think I'm selfish. They're allowed to feel that way. But I don't require permission or approval to take care of myself.
There was a time when I DID put myself on the back burner and show up when I was tired and over give and bend over backwards to make sure others needs were met - because DUH, if you're a healer or anything like that, you are DEFINITELY selfish if you don't heal or give at the drop of a hat (for free) - clearly. (another rant.)
And I burned out. And I couldn't give. In fact, I resented when I WAS giving. Resented my babies or my kids when they needed me, resented my partner for wanting to talk to me, resented the damn phone for ringing and simply - taking us SPACE - because I was worn out and done. I needed some TIME off.
Funny thing about that? I'd take the time off and get sick. (I'm sure that's NEVER happened to you). If you're the person that goes on vacation and gets sick, you miiiight need to be taking more time for yourself on the regular. (what would that look like for you if you let yourself do that??)
So once I got sick and tired of getting sick and tired and contorting myself and betraying my body and soul needs to PLEASE others... I decided that I was allowed to say no to anything and anyone that didn't feel nourishing to me at any moment.
Ladies, you're permission to say NO isn't bound to just sex.
You can say NO to whatever doesn't nourish you.
Stop running around like a stepford chicken with it's head cut off.
Take a bath. Wash your face. Stop entertaining and smiling and putting on the "I'm fine" show when you're not. You can be a high-vibe super start and still not be fine all the time.
Call the day off.
Turn your phone off.
Do NOT pass go (and collect waaaay more than $200) ;)
It's not selfish to prioritize your well being.
It's sabotage NOT to.
So it's not so much about ignoring others - its about focusing on yourself in such a nourishing way so you CAN show up powerfully in love and in service AFTER you're charged up.
And if people can't respect that - or better - celebrate that ....
Permission to ignore.
They're not your inner circle.
Your inner circle should seek your nourishment.
So what would you 'ignore', stop or cancel if you gave yourself permission?
What would your day, week, month or life be like if you did?
Breathe into THAT for a second.
Sending you love.